I have realised, probably prematurely, that I'm not at all cut out for motherhood.
Maybe in a decade or so, but definitely not as of the moment or any time relatively soon.
I've been working four days a week as a nanny to regain the cashflow and I'm caring for three boys under the age of five.
Can I just ask how you mothers do it?? I had no idea how difficult it was to have three little people constantly strapped to you having to constantly give them attention, care for them, clean up after them, entertain them.
I'm actually afraid for my future - I don't want to be one of those women who never wants to have kids, but this has really given me perspective on the kind of emotional maturity and selflessness you mother's really need.
For starters, I have to admit, I'm much to self-centred for children right now, and I don't see myself changing in the near future. I hate comitting to things that are going to trap me in to some kind of arse-numbing routine. I can't deal with vomit or pooey nappies, not to mention three a day, and I say far too many rude words (like bum, crap and damn - who knew they were taboo around three year olds?) to be considered mother-material.
Not to mention I'm consistantly ten minutes late to everything.
I like spending money on me - my clothes, my shoes, my makeup, my DVDs, my entertainment...sometimes I buy presents for friends and family, but with kids it's constant outpouring of money, and I'm sure if I'd have understood that when I was younger, I would have been constantly appologising to my parents and offering to get a full time job at ten.
I just have to give a shout out to all the mothers (and fathers/carers/godparents) who do it on a daily basis and experience the numbing fact that it just never turns off. It's 24/7!!
You have my respect, for whatever it's worth, and you should be proud of yourselves. Adults can be life changers in children's lives - I know my parents made who I am - and in my humble opinion, a wonderful child is a wonderful compliment to your patience, kindness and selflessness.